Movie Review: Satanic Panic

Satanic Panic

Chealsea Stardust, 2019

Ah yes, the age old fear of the Devil. Satanic Panic was a trend among many folk, even non-religious people, who had a fear of heavy metal, questioning authority, and Dungeons and Dragons... for some reason... The panic went well into the 80's, making it hard for anyone who was a little bit against the grain to exist in peace and quiet. One of my favorite videos online relating to this panicked moment in time-- although it's more witch-adjacent rather than strictly demonic/satanic-- is the video where a pastor is talking about how Pokemon is evil because of energy balls and lightning bolts. I guess this falls into the same category cause everything comes down to the Devil. You smell a little funny? Devil. You enjoy music a little too loud? DEVIL! I'll link it here: Pokemon is Evil (this is a legitimate sermon, by the way!)

There's plenty of resources that goes into way more depth about the historical Satanic Panic. Here are some sources here: 

Satanic Panic & The Dangers of Cultural Hysteria
What Was the Satanic Panic & Why Did it Happen? |A History Series
How Satanic Panic Came to Roil the Nation During the 1980s

These links, and hilariously dumb video on the evils of Pokemon, all can help get you into the idea of the fear behind Satanic Panic. How does this all relate to the movie Satanic Panic? Well, let's review it and see!

When I first was starting to watch movies for reviews again, I was trying to find something that could ease me back into watching horror specifically. I always enjoy some good gory and psychological horror, but having to live during a mass pandemic with absolute nut-jobs existing in real life, I wanted to step into the genre without having to think about society as a whole collapsing, or my real-life neighbors. A horror-comedy based on Satanism seemed to be a good stepping stone to me, and I gotta say: I wasn't disappointed.

The movie starts out with a pizza delivery girl, named Sam, paying her dues as she mopeds pizzas to various customers. We get a mild montage as she delivers and barely gets any tips for her effort and work--even moving someone's couch for them, only to get a n expired coupon. Sounds like a typical American raise to me... 

She ends up getting a delivery up at a fancy schmancy, bougie housing development. Her coworkers rave about the big tips they've gotten, as well as some of the crazy things that go on up in the area (insert dumb innuendos here). She goes out to deliver and the man of the house hold takes the pizzas and slams the door in her face. In serious frustration, Sam decides to enter the mansion to demand her tip (you go girl). In doing so, she accidentally stumbles into a Satanic meeting. Noting that Sam isn't a part of their Baphomet Club, and that she's a virgin, they kidnap her to be sacrificed-- this is why you never trust the bougie part of town. 

There are plenty of twists and turns as Sam tries to survive the night, with witchcraft-esque rituals, creepy daughters of Satanists, and a drill dildo for some reason? The craziness gets really fun in this film. We'll leave the synopsis here.

This movie really made me laugh. I haven't laughed at a horror film like this since I first started obsessively watching The Evil Dead series! The goofiness of how the Satanists are trying to accomplish their sacrifice creates both tension and some really good jokes that are tongue-n-cheek to the topic. One thing I found really interesting is that they demonstrate the actual fear that anyone could be a Satanist, like what happened during the historic Satanic Panic. The main villain isn't some crinkly witch, she's a bombshell that looks like some kind of CEO of a company that might be a really innocent business. It just goes to show that you can't really trust anyone. The film also had other "normal" looking people be Satanists too. I like that they didn't go very stereotypical in character design.

In my opinion, many of the jokes really hit either because of the direction, the delivery, or because of just how ridiculous some of the lines were. My favorite is, "My mom and her butt buddies are going to booty call Baphoment". Like, what? I laughed at that line for a good 10 minutes. So cringe, but so glorious! 

The soundtrack was also good. It set the tone perfectly with the classic 80's synth and heavy, wavy, low notes that you'd typically see in a lot of films from the time of the historic Satanic Panic. It establishes a sense of underlying suspicion, especially due to the repetition of certain motifs. There are also some more orchestral/vocal pieces which tends to really fit the devilish kind of movies such as The Omen or The Exorcist. These tracks are far and few between, but it breaks up the synth driven music and are applied well to their given scenes; haunting enough to establish the spiritual, but subtle enough to just be a suggestion of fear.

Satanic Panic Soundtrack 

My favorite scene has to be the drill dildo scene. It's not exactly what you're thinking, and there's nothing graphic that happens in this scene, but it made me laugh so hard from just the unexpected appearance of it. I was so flabbergasted and confused, which made it even funnier, especially after a character is yelling and raving insanely about the weirdest things. I'll link a video I took below.

The odd juxtaposition of the yelling and the main character being terrified and then just out of no where she walks out with a drill strap on. I just think it's a riot!

The characters were also pretty interesting. You have a few daughters of the Satanists, some struggling with the fact that they're parents are, well, devil worshipers, and others being okay with it and actively engaging with the craft. Our main character has some good back story to her, outside of her just being a "final girl" trope that you'd typically see in slasher flicks. The Satanists, while a little more one note and based on just the general concept of a devil worshiper, also have some depth or character driven moments. Even extremely minor characters are fun and interesting. I really liked the different personalities that we see among all of the cast. I think that the director did pretty well with keeping the campiness of the story, while also trying to still make it a solid film. 

My one complaint is definitely the ending. While it totally goes full circle and ends the arc of the characters, it felt almost too neat of a wrap up. There was some confusion for me personally on some aspects of the ending, especially during the highlights of a ritual and ending of the entire night that Sam experiences. I do think though that many people might actually like this ending, so this is just strictly opinion based on what I was hoping to see playout. Take this complaint with a grain of salt and make your own opinion on how you thoughts it did! 

I wasn't expecting more from this movie than just a corny flick, but it honestly surprised me with its humor and fast paced story telling. I think that it really could hold up as a cult classic. You know, like the corny films that aren't amazing but are still so much fun to watch-- i.e., half of the now popular horror films people enjoy today. I would definitely suggest this film to those that really like unexpected humor, some corniness, and also the humor of the Satanic Panic. If you're not into satanic horror, somewhat adult comedy themes, and feel uncomfortable with upside down crosses and pentagrams, then you might want to pass. 

Bone Stats:

Story: 🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴

Acting:🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴

Effects:🦴🦴🦴🦴

Re-Watchability: 🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴

Pacing: 🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴

Overall Skeleton: (7.5 Bones out of 10)🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴💀

Wool Hat ☕